Saturday, April 11, 2009

I'm so incredibly sad tonight

Shaye and Laela's birthmom gave birth to a little boy yesterday (April 10) at 9:27am. 7 lbs. 7 oz. They have named him Anthony Michael. I believe Laela was born at 9:27 in the a.m., so how weird is that? We have known about the pregnancy since last summer and we are about 98% sure that our decision to adopt this child was not going to happen. Because of that, I haven't really given it that deep, soul searching kind of thought. Now that he's here, I have just been crying since we found out at noon today. How can we not adopt this child? But honestly, how can we? How is it possible to be sane with 4 children 4 years old and under? My heart is speaking "bring him to us". My head is telling me to hope for the best for the baby that he gets placed into a loving home.

The saddest part is that it sounds as if the baby may possibly go home with mom and dad (dad was at the birth, has been there since, and Caroline said he actually sounds like a nice guy). Dad kept thanking us for calling and C said he sounded really happy. We know that CPS is investigating right now, but I am really scared that this little boy will get lost in the system. All it takes is for them to do a couple of home visits, determine it's ok, and that's life.

I'm just sad. Sad for my family. Sad for my children. Sad for this baby. Sad for myself. Sad. Sometimes life just doesn't seem fair.

5 comments:

Lolliemama said...

I am so sorry. What an incredibly difficult istuation. ((hugs))

Kimberley said...

Oh honey, I wish I knew what to say other than I'm sorry for how hard this is for you...I hope that the right thing presents itself...much love to you guys...

Jen FitzGerald said...

Oh, I've been thinking about this situation ever since you posted about it a few months ago. What a hard spot to be in. I can't imagine what I would do in your shoes. I hope it works out well for the little boy. What happened with their sister who was also expecting?

Hi. I'm, Maddy. And you are? said...

Jen, she is still expecting. She's 5 months pregnant and told us yesterday that she doesn't even want to be a mother. I tried talking to her about the choice of adoption, but she said, "I don't think I could do that". She will be 17 in a couple weeks. I asked her if she was at least going to breastfeed the baby and her comment was, with a sneer and look of horror "EWWWW!! No f'in way. That is nasty. I don't want a baby hanging on my tit!"

Uggghhh..... She is at least in foster care right now and the plan is for her to stay with this foster family (we really liked them) until she is 18 with the baby. This situation is so incredibly fucked up that it just makes me want to cry.

Courtney said...

Oh hon, I too wish I had something to say to ease this sadness from your heart. My thoughts are with you and your family during this time.

*hugs*